Emre kongar diyorki ;
***
Ben bu yılbaşında, hayatım boyunca aldığım armağanlar arasında çok seçkin ve unutulmayacak bir yere sahip olan iki armağan birden aldım…
Ve ne yazık ki buna karşın yılbaşı sevincini yaşayamadım…
Çünkü yılbaşım “zehir oldu”!
***
Birinci armağan bir çiçek demetiydi.
Çok güzel düzenlenmiş, çeşitli çiçeklerden oluşan bir demet.
Çocukluğumun önemli bir bölümünü doğayla iç içe geçirmiş olmama karşın, çiçeklerin isimlerini pek bilmem.
Zarif bir vazodaki çiçeklerin neler olduğunu Yılmaz Özdil’in dün Hürriyet’te çıkan yazısından öğrendim:
Pembe antoryumlar…
Sarı lilyumlar…
Kırmızı gerberalar…
Beyaz lisyastüsler.
Bana gelen çiçek demeti, Özdil’e de aynı kişi tarafından yollanmıştı:
Tutuklu yargılandığı için dört duvar arasında çile dolduran, Türkiye’nin medarı iftiharı, yüzlerce hayat kurtarmış, binlerce öğrenci yetiştirmiş, organ nakli öncümüz, dünya çapındaki cerrahımız, Prof. Dr. Mehmet Haberal.
Haberal yine ön almış, bizim ona yollamamız gereken “özür çiçeklerini”, o bize “yılbaşı çiçekleri” olarak göndermişti.
Ben onları “Acı çiçekleri” olarak algıladım.
Haberal ve onun gibi dört duvar arasındakilerin trajedisi karşısında dışarda olan bizlerin düştüğü çaresiz durum, bu yılbaşı armağanının yaratması gereken sevinci aldı götürdü…
Büyük bir utanca ve acıya dönüştürdü!
***
İkinci büyük armağanı Yılmaz Özdil’den aldım.
“Yılbaşı” başlıklı dünkü makalesinde, benim bir yazımdaki anımın “hafızasına mıh gibi çakıldığını” belirtiyordu.
Yılmaz Özdil gibi, gazetedeki ve televizyondaki sorumluluklarından dolayı her gün ülke ve dünya gündemindeki binlerce haberi radarıyla tarayan, aralarından önemli olanları seçen, bültenler hazırlayan, köşe yazıları yazan ve yaptığı bütün işler toplumda ses getiren bir gazeteci-yazarın “hafızasına mıh gibi çakılan” bir anı kaleme alabilmiş olmak…
Yayımlanmasının üzerinden çok uzun bir zaman geçtikten sonra bile bunun çok anlamlı bir yazıda çarpıcı bir biçimde kullanıldığını görmek…
Ve bunun Prof. Mehmet Haberal hakkında olması…
Bana hayatım boyunca verilmiş olan en anlamlı armağanlardan biriydi.
Tabii armağanın asıl sahibi ben değildim…
Prof. Mehmet Haberal’dı…
Ben de bu armağanı Haberal ile paylaştığım için onur duymuştum…
Ama bu büyük armağana da sevinemedim…
“Hayatı zindan etmek”…
“Yılbaşını zehir etmek”…
Gibi deyimlerin anlamını daha iyi duyumsayarak giriyorum yeni yıla!
Yılmaz Özdil’in dünkü yazısı mutlaka okunmalı, kesilip saklanmalıdır:
“Minnettar olunması gereken insan içerdeyken, ruhu prangalı olan bizler dışarda mıyız sahiden?” diye soruyordu yazıyı bitirirken!
Sabah hanima bu yilbasinda icimde buruk bir aci var, Silivridekileri dusunuyorum dedim, oda cok uzuldu ama hayatin icinde bunlar var dedi..
Bilmem hic yilbasini icerde gecirdinizmi ben hakime hakaretten ihtilal doneminde 28 gun hapiste kaldim, tamda yilbasina rastladi ve bir yilbasini icerde yasadim , cocuklarim ve esimden ayri kaldigim tek yilbasidir o , hurriyeti, ailemi , insanlari, havayi , suyu ve sukretmeyi ben o 28 gunde ogrendim, benim umudum vardi, ilk durusmada bilemedin ikinci durusmada cikacaktim orada hic umudu olmayan , idamlik, muebbet hapislik insanlarla tanistim , bana onlarla gorusme diye ozel uyaranlar olmasina ragmen ben onlarin gozunden yureklerine inebilmeyi yakaladim, her sucluyu kazirsan icinden insan cikarlar demislerdi..
Ne yazikki bugun disarda kaziyipta icinde insani yakalayacagimiz cok insan varken , bu insanlarin durumu tabiki beni uzuyor..
Simdi yilbasi yemegine oradan disariya gidecegim ama icim hep buruk olacak ve onlari dusunecegim..
Allah kurtarsin diyorum….
Sevgi, saygi ve selam ile
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